For the past 1 year, I have been spending everyday in front on my computer churning out lines of code.

When I first started, I couldn't wait to get back home and start coding.

For love

Coding is an act of making. I love building stuff. Stuff that people use, love and remember.

It's like a bad gaming addiction. It sucks the life out of me. My neural processes mirrors that of the computer logic.

I hate and love it at the same time.

It's like a game that never ends.

For money

I code for money. I code features after features to monetize my app.

At the start of this year, I assembled my team of developers to extend my app to a new group of users.

We spent days after days. Toiling through the darkness of the code editor, of the command line, of the endless git branches.

I did it for the light at the end of the tunnel.

For the expectation of being rich. For the dreams of every software entrepreneur.

I feel depressed sometimes.

Lonely.

The lines of if else logic stares back at me. Questioning me.

Do I have any life out of this?

I was determined. I was used to failure. I was hungry to succeed.

For relieving of boredom

Months past. The app extension is finally completed. The users came in. I was elated. Finally, all this work had come to fruition.

Weeks later. I was dejected. Conversion rate was low. I was losing more than I was earning. The reality of the market hit.

I was lost.

What now? Is it time to give up?

I couldn't answer myself. I couldn't think.

Delete everything?

I couldn't.

What else could I do, if I don't code?

I would be bored to death.

I continued coding, building features after features, hoping that one day, some users would appreciate.

I still wanted to monetize. I still wish to become rich.

But at this point in time, I am no longer doing it for money, as I knew that creating a money-generating software is a moon-shot attempt at success.

There are dozens of other way to earn more money easily.

For what?

Why I am coding?

I don't know.

It is not a simple process.

But it sustains me.

It gives me room to express my creativity.

I have to create.

Else, I will be lost.