7th January 2017. I sat in a lounge chair in the library with my bald head. I was waiting eagerly for my NS journey to start. I had heard stories about it, mainly positive ones.
Despite my excitement for this new chapter in life, I did not want to be a soldier. I hate violence. I believe that war is never right, no matter which side we are on.
My goal was to either be a clerk or an officer. It was either I gave the least or I earned the most pay.
The BMT phase of the journey was awful. We hardly had any time for ourselves. Every night was a battle for the showers. We were often given only 5 minutes every night to shower, brush our teeths and call our parents.
There were days I look enviously at the cats in our camp. They can at least take their time to eat and relax whenever they want.
Each day felt like a year. I was disillusioned with the system. I realised how dirty power can be and how little control we have upon ourselves.
Some way or another, we made it through.
I didn't feel any joy when I threw my jockey cap in the air during the Passing Out Parade. I was merely relieved that it was over.
I travelled alone for the first time in the block leave that followed. I went to Vietnam, met the most amazing people, gained a fresh perspective of life and most importantly hope.
The kindness of strangers touched my heart. I had a new-found faith in humanity and optimism for my life ahead.
The happiness was short-lived however. Soon, I found myself in a new camp, training to become a Scout Trooper.
Training was tough but conditions were slightly better. Our shower time increased from 5 minutes (in BMT) to half an hour each night.
Despite being treated with more dignity as a human being, the gloomy clouds still cast over our heads. Our company was ruled by an erratic dictator, who lashed out threats to take away over weekends as he wished.
Traveling was my only source of comfort. I went to the nearby Batam whenever there was a long weekend. The kind and genuine hearts of my hosts gave me the energy to keep going.
One fateful night in camp, I thought of an idea to escape. It was actually pretty simple. Buy a plane ticket and never come back.
The idea lingered in my head day after day. Eventually, I gave in. I flew to Vietnam, the place where I first found my self.
The tears of my family pulled me back.
I never felt such great fear before. I would be shamed and lynched.
To my surprise, they forgave me.
I will never forget the power of empathy. I will always be thankful for the chance they had given me.
I still hated the army. I still hated every moment in camp. But I learnt to tolerate. Since I did not have the ability to leave, I would survive the best way possible.
The following months were spent proving my worth. I pushed myself to the limits.
I did not want to be a Scout. I did not want to be a soldier.
But I will fight for myself.
I missed out on the Scout course for my unit due to my unexpected escape.
I joined the course with another unit.
It was a refreshing atmosphere. I made new friends with common ambitions.
The highlight of the course was the prisoner-of-war training. The commanders became the "enemy".
I thoroughly enjoyed the process. It was the first time I got the chance to openly rebel without my weekends being threatened. The physical torture was nothing compared to the mental torment I had been put through.
On the afternoon before our 20km route march, Astar Tutors was born.
It started out as a simple idea. Each member can post a job and/or apply for a job. The tutor who applied for the job will pay a commission to the one who posted it.
There was no hierarchy, no one more powerful than the other. We were simply a 5 person Whatsapp group eager to find tuition jobs.
It was also during this period I started to learn programming. I was determined not to let NS waste my life away.
The days zoomed past. The course was finally over and I was presented with the "coveted" recon tab.
I returned to my previous unit with great excitement. I couldn't wait to see those familiar faces again.
The monotonous life back in camp quickly became dreary however.
I was lost like a driftwood. Having established my status by going through the Scout course, I had nothing left to fight for.
In the meantime, the Astar Tutors group grew. We reached 100 members by the following year.
I did not think much of the idea at first. But the growing size of the group proved otherwise. I assembled a team to manage the group and post tuition jobs.
The 256 members limit Whatsapp placed on groups was starting to concern us. We quickly moved into a Telegram channel to accommodate our growing size.
This was the first time my programming skills came in handy. The backend was nothing complicated. It was simply a web server that forwarded new jobs from a form to the Telegram channel.
The Astar Tutors project kept me busy. It isn't everyday that you get a chance to build something people love.
I spent my days in and out of camp working on Astar Tutors. From coming up with fairer commission rules to creating new features, I enjoyed the process thoroughly.
It was my escape from the meaningless life in the army.
It was also a quiet form of rebellion to me. I wasn't just another soldier. The army could take my arms and legs, but my mind belonged to my own.
The days past quickly. Soon, I was just a few months away from ORD.
At the same time, the Astar Tutors Telegram channel grew. I was beginning to receive feedback that there were too many jobs posted, with only a few of them relevant to what each tutor wants.
It was a terrible user experience. The tutor had to crawl through the huge list of jobs to find his/her desired job.
I thought of an idea to create a custom filter for each tutor. The tutor would only receive notifications for jobs he/she wants. To create this feature, we would require a full-scale web app.
This was when I began my journey to build my first app.
I dived deep into learning how to create a web app. I spent almost every waking hour outside of army watching tutorials and reading guidebooks.
There were times when it seemed like I was going nowhere. My desire to see my app go live kept me persevering.
There is something incredible about the process of creation. It's all-consuming, exhausting, yet incredibly satisfying.
When I started to code, I was completely in my own world, oblivious of the time and my surrounding.
There was once when I went to camp in shorts, as I was too absorbed thinking about a feature I was building. Thankfully, my friend dashed out to my rescue with his long pants, otherwise I would have spent that weekend trapped in camp.
I spent my days in camp bugging almost every person I can find, asking them to try out my prototype to look for areas of improvement.
I was determined to build the best user experience I could. Everyday was a step closer to the dream.
My quest was interrupted by our final military exercise in Australia. I spent 4 weeks away from my computer, in the sparse Australian desert.
It was a separate reality from the one I was living in. I followed orders, walked through chilly nights and slept in cramped Broncos.
The darkness of the nights brought back memories. I remembered the many times I felt lost, love that was never meant to be, my escape and the escape I still longed for...
I walked aimlessly. The monstrous backpack and rifle sling ate into my skin. I didn't care about our mission. All I knew was, every step was a step closer to freedom.
Fortunately, the passage of time never stops. No matter what situation we are in, it will pass eventually.
When I returned to Singapore, I immediately got back to work. I was just a few bug fixes away from launching the app.
The hard work eventually paid off.
On 28 October midnight, the Astar Tutors web app launched.
I was mixed with both fear and excitement.
Finally, my first ever product had gone live. Yet, I was worried that there might be bugs that I missed out or that users would not like my product.
Thankfully, the user feedback was good. It was heartening to hear from tutors how the app made finding a job much more convenient for them.
These are the moments that we live for. To know that we have made an impact in someone's life, is the greatest reward of any pursuits.
My days in NS came to an end.
Despite looking forward to my release since the day I entered, I didn't feel much.
There was no celebration or cries of joy.
I was merely relieved that I could finally have my freedom returned back to me.
The end is only the beginning.